Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
