Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he fucked my hip out of place.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
