Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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