That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
