You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
