I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
