get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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