I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
