She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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