You really coming over, don't trick.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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