she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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