Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
