In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
