He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
