Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Let's get the cat blown out
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
