omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
