Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
