Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
