I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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