Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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