Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
