3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
