your thong is hanging out like whoa
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
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don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
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the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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