i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
