He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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