Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
