READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
