i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
