dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
