You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
