i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i believe in u and ur pee
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
