i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
