lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
