they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
