If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
