Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
do nipples grow back?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
