im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
