listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
