I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
