The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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