You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
