omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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