So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
