We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
