god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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