we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
