he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
