a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
