Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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