I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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