I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
