Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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