As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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