those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
