I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
