wrigley field is MILF paradise
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
