Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The power of my boobs compel you
I need to calm my uterus...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
