Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
is that a dick in a sweater?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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