FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
