we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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