I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
