Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
