Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
