also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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