I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
