you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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