It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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