My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
