Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
