I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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