I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Small penises have feelings too.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
