i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
