Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
