Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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