I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
