I cockslap morals
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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